A friend of mine thinks Walmart is THE place to do your grocery shopping. I think she's smoking crack. I also think she only has 2 kids (that are older than mine) that she must not take with her. My other options are Rob You Blind Randalls, Freddy Kroger, and HEB (Here Everyones Bad). Frankly shopping anywhere with 5 kids is a nightmare! I used to be loyal to my big new HEB, with good produce and samples at every turn I could pretty much put an end to whining by shoving a snack in a mouth. But then came my Kroger Marketplace. I really like my coupons being doubled/tripled, and my extra 10% off when I by Kroger brand. See what had happened was I never got my own Plus card and always just used my parents phone # (since I was a loyal HEBer). Turns out they get a senior citizen discount now....don't judge me.
So since its summer and hot has H-E-double hockey sticks outside, why not make my shopping trip feel like that place too!? I know its partially my fault for expecting my kids to behave when its lunch time and closing in on nap time, but seriously? I got you kids (Thing 3 and Thing 4) the stinking car cart with the TV and you can't sit still and hush? terrible. Meanwhile Thing 1 and Thing 2 are walking behind me with one of the kids carts and the back of my ankles are in grave danger. Thing 5 is strapped to my chest. We aren't even out of produce before the fighting starts, and we nearly had a repeat of the "I HATE TV AND DON'T WANT TO RIDE IN THIS CART" episode. It was a close one!
We did finally manage to get all of our food and get to the check out line. I was totally pumped when lane 5 magically opened just for me and all the kids I'm babysitting today. Classic. No really they are all mine. Secretly I've been pretending that I don't know these children that are in the cart. What, these kids? Never seen them before. The miracle at lane 5 quickly turned into the Nightmare at lane 5. My sacker was one of those sloth-human hybrids you've been reading about. They are really an amazing creature. The person behind me checked out and had her groceries bagged by the checker before Super Slowmotion Man could manage to get mine sacked. Paper bags must be his Kryptonite.
Something you should know ahead of time, you can't take your fancy TV cart out of the store, so your kids and your stuff must be loaded into a regular basket. So while SSM is trying bag groceries, #1 and #2 have had their brains melted my SSMs evil powers and can't seem to be able to put away their little cart and the TV cart. #2's brain was so fried that she stops in the middle of the store and like a contortionist at the circus manages to get in the cart to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. #3 and #4 won't sit on the bench nearby because there is a tiny little grasshopper on the other end that might morph into an 8 foot version of itself and eat their little eyes out. #5 is mad because his nap has been interrupted. We did make it out alive, Freddy Kroger almost got the best of us.
So if you are looking for fun this summer with your million children, please go grocery shopping with them all...then blog about your misery so I can feel better about mine.
and....
BONUS of the Day: It wasn't raining
SUGGESTION of the Day: make sound proof car carts.
